You helped me hurt me
by Lottiee0-0
Summary: 'I'd take another eager gulp of wine, forcing myself to swallow. I'd need it. It numbed the pain.' rated M for further language and possibly other things in later chapters... :3 and yes, my first actual story ;  so enjoy ans review !
1. Prologue

_**You helped me hurt me**_

_**Prologue. **_

I'd hum in pleasure as I'd feel the liquid slide down my throat, this had become a habit. It was like an everyday routine I had considered quitting once before but every time I tried it ached. _**I'd take another eager gulp of wine, forcing myself to swallow. I'd need it. It numbed the pain. **_

After that I'd stomp up the stair, into the bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror I'd took a long, hard stair at what I had become, at what I had done to myself. My blood shot eyes would barely open shadowed by bags, my once mocha skin turned pale and dry, my wine stained lips were chapped, this wasn't me. The reflection would make me sick, _**physically**_.

In all honesty I'd call it abuse, wouldn't you ?

I didn't mean for this to happen, I thought the alcohol would make me forget, thought it would erase the pain but all it did was increase the damage and now despite how much I seem to try, I just cant quit. Well I guess I could but it's more on the fact that I truly don't want to, probably sound crazy but I just can't bare the thought of having to remember. Mentally, I can't cope without it, and sadly if alcohols the only way to stop_** it**_ from hurting then so be it. After all I tried everything.

I'd frown at the mirror, disgusted at the sight. Turning away I'd ran towards my room. I was so frustrated at what I dared to call my life. Slamming the door behind me I'd pounced on my bed and with a face full of tears I'd buried my head in my pillow. Then I'd just cry, alone _**Like I always did.**_

Everyday would be the same, like I'd continuously hit the reply button.


	2. Call me a shrink

_hey, I'm so sorry guy for not uploading, I've exam after exam after exam and i have not had the time, but now i will because i have more besides cheerleading. please R&R :D _

* * *

_Pleasure which must be enjoyed at the expense of another's pain, can never be enjoyed by a worthy mind. Pleasure's couch is virtues grave._

_-Augustine J. Duganne_

* * *

_I can't believe I'm doing this._

"And how long have you had this unhealthy drinking problem Miss Rodriguez?"

_After having suffering one too many incidents due to my drinking habit I figured that it might have gotten a bit too far, like too, too far._

"Miss?"

Dr. Martyn stared at me impatiently, pushing her glasses further up the bridge of her nose

"I'd like to consider it more of an... _uncontrollable habit_''

She sighed, unconvinced at my attempt to reassure myself.

_Why on earth did I come here?_

I looked away from her edging myself to carry on

"Uh, just after my 18th birthday, about 3 years ago."

I continued to stare out the window, waiting for her to gasp in disgust, to look towards me in horror just waiting for her to show some type of appalled behaviour.

But instead she just glanced down tucking a blonde piece of hair behind her ear then scribbled something onto her note pad

She cleared her throat ready to ask another pointless question

"Did anything... dramatic happen that caused you to turn to alcohol?"

I stared at her, carefully searching her face for the slightest bit of emotion

She was as cold as stone

"Its funny" I chuckled to myself completely ignoring her question

"-my life was perfect, I had good grades, a promising future, what I thought was a flawless boyfriend. I had **everything** going for me."

I looked towards her again, she sighed obviously irritated

"It's strange, you know how people change, how people who you though were your friends would stab you in the back and lie to your face -"

"Miss Rodriguez -"

"They all knew **every** single one of them, they knew what was happening and they could have done something, they could have warned me, they could have told me but all they did was stand back and watch."

I looked back at her one more time glancing at her name tag then staring her right in the eye, into her soul

"You tell me, _Samantha_, which hurts more, _the actions of your enemies or the silence of your friends_?"

"I would much rather you address me in a _formal_ manner, Miss Rodriguez, also I am aware that you have been through quite rough and unfortunate event in your life and I understand,"

_No you don't _

"But this isn't the time to mourn on your past, I am here to help you forget and to help you conquer this... _'Uncontrollable drinking habit'_"

She sighed once again

"Sadly," she held up her wrist to glimpse at her watch "it appears our lesson's over, our next appointment is booked for Thursday, good day Miss Rodriguez"

She smiled at me, not a genuine smile, more like one of them smiles an air hostess gives you as an attempt to seem polite

_Surely not genuine._

I swung my bag over my shoulder and left without a word.

* * *

**AN:**

I've decided that I'm gonna do regular updates on this story however the chapters are going to be short because I'm trying to focus more on my other story Unknown and please read it if you haven't

the bit where it goes 'the actions of your enemies or the silence of your friends' was inspired but Martin Luther King Jr's quote 'In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.'

thank you for putting up with my laziness i am so sorry for that, if you would like you could give me ideas for my stories and please review it means the world to me when you do, honestly.

thank you

-lottie


	3. That Oh-so-charming smile of his

Oh dear. How do I even **begin **to apologies? It has been almost three years since my last update, various seasons of TD have passed since then and I have had a lot going on. In September I enroll into my second year of Sixthform and I go to University next year to study chemical engineering hopefully. It has been a very long time.

On the flip side I did finally update as I promised even if it is 3 years late :D. Thank absolutely everyone why have reviewed and showed your support it means the absolute world to me and thank you to the people who were telling me to "hurry the fuck up!"

I'm not going to lie this chapter is a bit of a mess it took me a bit to sort of get back into writing comfortably -still not there yet.

I really hope that you enjoy it for what it is.

Please read and review! :D also don't forget to have a little cheeky read and review of my other stories :3.

thank ya lovelies.

* * *

_Do you ever get that feeling when your eyes are leveled and all you see are the doors of grey building around you, the half grimaces wrapped around people's faces, men and women in suits. And then you suddenly look up, expecting a ray of light sprouting from the clear blue sky, a metaphoric sign of hope -and all you see is a bigger __**shithole**__. Take my advice don't expect anything in life._

* * *

So it's that day I've been dreading, Thursday. The day I go back to that grey old woman, with the grey old face, her pointless questions and her vacant eyes, almost as vacant as mine.

I've been sat on this bus for a while now, bearing the shocked looks on people's faces, they don't bother me anymore and I don't blame them. If I saw the way my lip split and the way the bags suffocated my eyes I'd be shocked too, _**scared**_ in fact. The woman on my right turned her pram so that her child wouldn't be facing me, her face hung at an angle, frighten _**-As if I was going to eat her offspring. **_

I pressed the bell –a few times actually attracting unnecessary attention.

**I didn't care. **

Upon stepping out of the bus I was welcomed by the same scene, although this time I didn't look up.

My feet followed the path of the sidewalk, my eyes began to drift and I saw his face again.

Pale skin, dark teal eyes.

I smelt his favourite cologne, I felt his stubble bush against my skin, I could see that smirk pulling at the corners of his lips-

"-Courtney" I looked up promptly meeting a rather tall figure, somewhat familiar.

"-Trent?"

I watched the expression change on his face, my own reddened and suddenly I felt embarrassed.

"I thought you moved to Ottawa" He uttered, eyes searching my face struggling to keep up that _oh-so-charming_ smile of his.

"Yea, well I" … "I left college for a bit, needed a break I guess"

_He didn't look surprised._

"Oh okay," He hesitated slightly, smile somehow still hanging on. "-I'm down here for the winter, staying with Duncan and-"

_Duncan?_

I titled my head up sharply instantly catching his eyes with my own

His face dropped subsequently, immediately regretting his words.

"..and Geoff" he looked away, still managing to finish his sentence.

My chapped lips parted and for a moment I was silent, my mouth hung slightly open as I felt my tongue dry out

"h-here.. in Toronto?"

I stuttered.

He nodded, _reluctantly_.

I brushed my bangs with my fingers, looking down at the ground attempting to hide the misery _**he **_brought to my face.

_I hated that he had this power over me, even when he wasn't there._

I cleared my throat, not to speak but to keep the lump at bay.

We stood there awkwardly, for what felt like a good hour or two.

"How about I take your number?" I looked up my eyes stopping briefly at that _oh-so-familiar_ smile of his –_It somehow made its way back up there_

"Maybe we could catch up sometime"

I looked at his face carefully, analyzing it.

_**He took pity on me.**_

"I... I don't know..." _To be honest I didn't know him that well._

He took out a small rectangular object from his pocket, handing it out to me

His smile still shone

_I used to scowl at people's pity, reject it. But this time I just gave in, realising how tragic I already seemed._

I hesitantly took his phone and typed in the 10 digits.

* * *

**_"The_**** D**epth of friendship does not depend on the length of acquaintance." -Rabindranath tagore.

* * *

Just to clarify Trent is a friend of Duncan's that he befriended whilst dating Courtney, Courtney and Trent are merely mutual friends through Duncan and don't really know each other too well.

I don't really know how I feel about this chapter I sort of feel like it's a bit scattered and realllyy amateur :S.

Pleaseeeeeee let me know what you think and if you have any idea/ critiques tell me :).

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this story and I promise I will try really hard to update this more regularly than 3 year lol I promise.

Thank you for holding out and please review!

Ciao lovelies and hopefully write to you soon :) :3 3.


End file.
